Sunday In The Park With AJ
by Red Witch
Summary: Archer and Lana take AJ to the park.


**The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Archer characters has gone off to the park. This is just some fun fluff that filled my tiny brain!**

 **Sunday In The Park With AJ**

"Why are we doing this?" Archer groaned as he pushed AJ's stroller. He also was carrying AJ's baby bag. They were in a lovely park.

"Because it's important for our daughter to spend time with **both** of her parents as a family," Lana told him. "I would think that would be something you would appreciate. You know? The whole growing up without a father thing?"

"I get **that** ," Archer grumbled. "I just don't get why I have to push the stroller and carry her bag!"

"Because I carried her body for nine months straight," Lana gave him a look.

"Yeah but the first three months she weighed less than a **pound!"** Archer protested. "The second three weren't as bad as the last three so…"

"This spot looks good," Lana pointed out a bench near a grassy area with some flowers in front of a large fountain. "I hope we have everything…"

"Lana relax! We did a check before we got here. Remember?" Archer told her. "We have juice, diapers, wet wipes, snacks, a miniature tracking device imbedded in her little shoes…Good idea by the way."

"I can't take credit for that," Lana shrugged. "It was your mother's."

Archer was surprised. "Huh. I guess every now and then even a broken alcoholic self-absorbed clock is right. Like twice a day."

"Why don't you get AJ out of her stroller?" Lana said. "I think she wants out."

AJ was squealing and kicking her little legs. "Okay AJ," Archer got her out. "You wanna run around? Okay!" He put her down on the ground and she started to toddle around. "That's my girl!"

"Just behave yourself. I don't want this to be a repeat of the La Brea Tar Pits incident!" Lana ordered.

"Oh that was just one isolated incident," Archer waved.

"Archer we haven't even been in LA two months and we're already banned from a major tourist attraction," Lana gave him a look.

"Two actually…" Archer winced. "Those movie tour busses really don't like it when you bring a cooler of scotch on the trip."

"Archer…" Lana groaned.

"It wasn't like I was the only one!" Archer protested. "Pam's the one who started the chugging contest!"

"I don't care," Lana interrupted him. "I don't care and I **don't** want to know! All I want is one nice afternoon with my boyfriend and my daughter without any disasters, alcohol or police!"

"Oh…" Archer had reached for a flask from his pocket. "So you don't want any…?"

"Archer!" Lana barked. "Just one freaking afternoon without alcohol won't kill you! So put it away before **I do!"**

"Okay, okay!" Archer decided for once not to push Lana. He put the flask back.

"Just make sure…" Lana began when her cell phone rang. She took it out and looked at it. "It's my mother."

"Great," Archer said sarcastically. "Of all the times to **not** have alcohol!"

"Oh Hi Mom!" Lana answered her phone cheerfully. "Yes…We just had her checkup and she's fine. We're at the park with AJ. Yes, Archer is here too."

"Hello Lana's Mom…" Archer called out. "Wait she's not in the hot tub is she?"

"Archer…" Lana glared at him. "Watch AJ!"

"Lana, she's fine she's…" Archer did a double take. "I'm on it!" He rushed after her. "No AJ come **back here!"**

"Yes, I got the care package you sent," Lana said. "Well that's one of the benefits to my new job. More time with AJ. Being private detective is safer than being a spy."

"Especially since we haven't had a case yet," Archer quipped as he brought back a giggling AJ.

"Well I told you Mom," Lana said. "We chose to leave the espionage sector because it was too dangerous."

"And the fact that we were blacklisted didn't help either," Archer snorted, knowing Lana's mother couldn't hear him. "Can you say blacklist AJ? Don't worry, that's not a racist term."

"I'm glad I moved back to California," Lana said. "It was time to come back. New York was great but it was just time to leave."

"Especially since we've been pretty much kicked out of the city," Archer told AJ.

"I think it was a good idea to move to California," Lana said.

"Yeah a great idea," Archer noticed two young women roller skating by wearing bikini tops and very short shorts. "Love moving to California."

Lana didn't see this. She was looking in the other direction as she talked to her mother. "I think this will be a good fit for all of us."

"This is a perfect fit for me. I should have moved out here sooner," Archer admitted as he saw another woman walking by wearing a halter top and extremely short shorts. He put AJ down and watched. "Oh yes…Come to Daddy…"

AJ started to toddle away. Archer realized this. "Come **back** to daddy AJ!"

"It's definitely a better environment for AJ," Lana said as she kept talking.

"Look AJ!" Archer said. "That's a butterfly! Look at it's pretty wings! No! No! No AJ! Don't **eat** the butterfly!"

"She's really growing up," Lana said.

"No! AJ don't eat the grass either!" Archer groaned. "You're not an herbivore! Or your Aunt Pam."

"Mom you know Archer and I are back together," Lana sighed. "Yes. That's a **thing** again."

"Oh not **again!"** Archer groaned. "AJ why do you keep getting grass stains on your clothes?"

"Well things between Archer and I are a lot better this time around," Lana kept talking on the phone. "I think he's really maturing."

"That's **it!** You want to get stains on your clothes?" Archer shouted. "Here! Plenty of stains! But don't expect me to clean them up for you!"

"He's also more committed to our relationship," Lana added.

"Hello…" Archer looked at another pair of gorgeous young women in bikini tops and short shorts walking by. "Wow. I really should have come to California a lot sooner!"

"I think we're really communicating now," Lana went on, oblivious to Archer ogling more barely clad females. Also oblivious to AJ in grass and dirt stained clothes toddling away. "We didn't do that the first time."

"I wonder if I can get a few phone numbers before Lana notices?" Archer kept watching. "No, she'd notice. Damn."

Ironically Lana wasn't noticing at the moment. "Look I know Archer isn't exactly the most mature person in the world," Lana said. "But he is really trying to clean up his act and be a better boyfriend and father."

"Why did I bother going across the Pacific when I could just have come **here**?" Archer remarked. "Oh wait…Supposed to be watching my daughter! AJ! AJ? NO! AJ! Oh there you are. What are you holding? No! NO AJ! THAT'S **NOT** A TOY!"

"Yes Mom I know…" Lana sighed. "I'm a beautiful intelligent capable woman who can have anyone she wants and doesn't have to settle. I know Mom. I know…"

"AJ don't cry!" Archer held a greyish lump in his hands. "I know you don't know this isn't a toy! This is an abandoned wasp nest."

"Look Archer may be a lot of things," Lana said. "But I can say he's at least responsible. For his daughter's safety anyway."

"AAAH! IT'S **NOT** ABANDONED!" Archer yelled. "AAAAHHHH!" He ran around from the wasps.

AJ safely watched Archer running around being stung by wasps. Lana didn't see anything.

"Mom we've been **over** this!" Lana groaned. "Why do you keep bringing it up?"

"WHY AM I STILL HOLDING THE WASP'S NEST? OWW!" Archer yelled. "CANNONBALL!"

SPLASH!

"I know, Mom. I know…" Lana sighed as Archer dove into the fountain. He splashed around wildly.

"DROWN YOU STUPID STINGING DICKS! OWWWW!" Archer shouted.

"Yes Mom I'm aware I could do more with my life than run around playing Charlie's Angels," Lana went on. "But I was a spy for almost fifteen years! And I was good at it! And so was Archer!"

"WHY WON'T YOU DIE?" Archer shouted. "DROWN DAMN YOU! OWWWW!"

"So why not stick with a field that I excel in?" Lana asked. "Our lives are not **that** dangerous anymore!"

"OWW! OWW! OWW! WHY WON'T THE STINGING STOP? OWWWWW!"

"If anything I think my spy training has helped me be a good mother," Lana went on. "I'm really good at keeping an eye on AJ and what's going on around me."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! OWW! OWW! OW!"

"Yes Mom," Lana sighed. "I'll call you later. Love you. Bye…" She hung up the phone.

AJ toddled over to her. She had grass and dirt stains all over her clothes. "What the…?" Lana did a double take as she picked up AJ. "How did you get so dirty? Archer you were supposed to be…?"

She was stunned as she saw Archer stumble out of the fountain, clothes soaking wet. Sting marks were on his face and hands and they were already starting to swell. "It's okay…I'm fine." He grumbled. "The wasps are gone. Daddy took care of the wasps…May they rot in Hell…"

AJ laughed at the sight of her father. "That's right…" Archer groaned. "Laugh at Daddy's pain."

"What the hell happened to **you**?" Lana did a double take. "How did you **get** like this? I only turned my back for a minute!"

"It's all **her fault**!" Archer protested as he pointed to AJ.

"Of _course_ it is," Lana rolled her eyes.

"She doesn't like to listen to me," Archer grumbled.

"Gee I wonder where she picked up **that trait**?" Lana rolled her eyes.

"Pam?" Archer asked. Lana gave him a look.


End file.
